Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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