Your dad touched me again.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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