where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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