ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
