just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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