i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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