my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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