Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
