Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
