he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize