does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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