I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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