I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
