Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
