Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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