Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
