I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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