i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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