So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
