easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
