he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize