I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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