C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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