can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
