Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
