Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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