i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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