you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
