I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
