Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
