You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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