I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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