Don't make out with my wife yet
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
