the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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