I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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