If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
