I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
