the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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