Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
