I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
