i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
