so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
