thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
