and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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