I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
