i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
