You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
