So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
