Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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