God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
