Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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