If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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