can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
