the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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