2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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