I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize