In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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