first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i love accidental penises.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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