It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
