She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
