The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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