if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just want to make out with him forever
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
