I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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