I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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