Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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