I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
