Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Small penises have feelings too.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
