I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
