If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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